Not quite well, but quite well enough

Things are a bit stressful at the moment. Part of it is due to the new increased workload I obtained as the acting site lead. The new contract instructor (CI) joined us just as I came into this position, there have been many changes that were implemented since this time, and I have had to catch up on work that was unable to be addressed previously due to lack of time. I have, fortunately for me, not been teaching during this time so I could devote most of my time to dealing with such issues. Unfortunately, during this time my students have been feeling neglected. They are not happy with the CI as he is not American and teaches very differently than they are used to. He spends too much time on each lesson while all the students wish to do is move on.

 

There have also been issues on the military side as well. We have been going back and forth about various things in an effort to solve many of the problems. For now things are workable, but far from ideal. This means that these issues will keep coming up again and again. I guess I can live with that, especially when I get back into my class! I was questioning whether I really wanted to teach anymore, even when they actual site lead gets back. I think I do. If nothing else, it distracts me from the almost hopelessness that seems to come over me otherwise.

 

Of course part of that feeling could be that I haven't been sleeping well. Last night I managed to get my 4 hours, or thereabouts, but previously I only got an hour and a half at best. This is causing my mind to reel with irrational thoughts and delusions and such. Not to the point of not being able to recognize them, but enough to cause problems with some of my interactions with coworkers and such. Some days I must wonder about all this ... what am I doing? Why am I doing it? Am I making a difference? What kind? Am I contributing to something I believe in? So many questions that really have no easy answer. Darn this lack of sleep!!!

 

All in all though, I am happy I am here; I am grateful for the opportunity I have been given to work with these students and the military personnel that I am working with. There is a lot I don't understand, and probably never will, but what I do is of benefit to me and some of the others that I have daily contact with.