Elections and boredom!

Well, I have a three day weekend. I can't believe that this could happen where I am working, but they managed to do it. Friday went alright, except I was alone for most of it and I really don't like most of the movies on television. We have a DVD player, but it doesn't read the DVDs, so it doesn't really do much good. So, I sat outside on the balcony for most of the night (actually the whole night until 3:30am!), then I went to bed and woke up at 4:30am. These short nights are going to drive me crazy!!

One would think that sitting outside in a conservative area would be rather boring, but I think I can see why many of the Kurds here do it. The people are very active here doing things almost secretively that they would never do during the light of day. People will drink under the cover of darkness, there are children of all ages running around, riding bikes, and all sorts of other things, and there are people on the roofs hanging out together kissing and such. Watching people walk back and forth preparing for a day where they can't go shopping, can't go picnicing, just can't go anywhere is such an interesting thing...even when you are feeling betrayed and down...It is almost a pick-me-up and a depressent all at the same time!

Today I am not sure what I am going to do. I can't go anywhere, and I am not so sure that there are going to be any people to watch outside. My roommate is home, but we have no real plans, so he will probaly take back his computer that I am currently typing on, and play games or something....I would read, but I don't have any English books, I would study but I don't have a computer to use the programs. I will find something, but I am sure that I will go crazy first and end up trying not pull my brains out of my nose...

It will be good to finally get out of here on the 4th of August. I still haven't confirmend anything, but that should happen soon. Hopefully the rest will do me good so that I am ultraprepared when I come back in the fall. That is all for now.

Hiding in the future...and the past!!

I have not been meaning to not involve my wonderful readers in everything that has been happening lately, but it has been difficult to get online. We had no power here at work for those wonderful days when I was not the one busy with all of the classes, though now that I am the internet and power is working fine.

I do not have a computer at home, though we have been having generator problems there as well. It is amazing how much we rely on electricity these days. It is difficult to live in a place that is very hot and not have the air conditioner, even though I hate it and it makes me nauseous. I like to sit outside, but it is too hot for that until late evening.

All in all, I have had a tough week. My coworker stopped talking with me again. I am not sure why I care so much, but it is like she and I are meant to constantly fight; it is almost fun. This time I feel completely justified in my anger, so I have just decided to wait until she starts talking with me again. I think that will probably be soon....she chatted with me online, so that is a good sign. Of course I haven't gotten my ticket home yet, so I don't know if they are thinking about not asking me back or not. I guess that will be up in the air until the end as well.

At the moment I am thinking about going to Guatemala for four weeks before going home in September. I need a language and it is too expensive to learn Arabic. Spanish is easier and also a very important language. Guatemala is a cheap place to go and it is cheaper to fly there than to Mexico, so it works out better that way. I guess I will have to wait and see what happens.

Other than that I have no idea what is going on in the world. Apparently there was an earthquake here in Iraq. I didn't really feel it, but it was at 11:30pm, so maybe I was actually asleep at the time. I guess that is what I do..not pay attention. I am feeling alright though, so I guess I can be thankful for that. I am safe and I am surviving the heat; I really can't wait to get home though...things are so different here.

Mishka: the bear of problems!

It seems that the people here are very conservative in everything they do (big surprise, eh?). I do not mean just the Kurdish people, however. The Regional director/coordinator here is from Lebanon and is also apparently quite conservative.

I am in trouble once again. It seems that this Regional head person received a picture of Mishka, my bear, wearing sunglasses in the classroom. This picture was taken during break time last week and was the cause of no disruptions. Apparently, however, this is enough of some sort of infraction to cause him to yet again reconsider my contract for next year. Apparently the statement in the policies of the organization that say that they will not interfere in the classroom teaching and do not care what methods you use as long as they don't go contrary to their ways is not really the case. There is nothing about having my bear in class that would go against the system they have set up. It makes a good prop and can give the students something to talk about if they have a difficult time coming up with something on their own (which I have a problem with myself quite frequently).

I am just so angry right now with everyone and everything. I am trying to work through issues that I never knew I had along with the whole three month mark.... I am not sure what it is about that time period, but it seems that after about three months I really start feeling all the pressures and stresses that I didn't even necessarily recognize before. It will all work out, but I am not sure how much more I am going to put myself through first. I guess I will have to let you know when I find out.

Does it get any better?

Right now things are starting to settle down a little. I am starting to relax a bit more, and I actually was able to sleep yesterday. Unfortunately, the sleep provided little rest. So now I am going around wondering why I am so tired even though I slept for the better part of a day.

I guess I am into a period of depression. I cry easily, I am easily angered and confused, and I can't seem to relieve any of my stress. It has reached the point where the students are starting to ask about it, so I really need to do something to take a break and just get away from everything for a few moments. I need a hobby or something. Nothing here seems to work lately, so who knows what I can do.

The wifi at the house is now working, so I should theoretically be able to use my phone to connect to the internet, but it seems that the password has been changed, and no one I ask seems to know what it is. I need to find out who to ask so I am able to finally reach the outside world when I am not at work. Perhaps that is all I need to release some of the frustration I am feeling.

Not all that cheerful these days, but I am sure it will take an upswing here shortly; it always does eventually.

New Phone and continuous headaches

It is official: I finally spent $165 for a new cellphone. I really needed to have one in order to stay in contact (even though no one actually ever contacts me), and since the laptop incident, I decided that I needed one that I could check emails with and such. When I was looking at the prices, the one that I first wanted was a flip phone, and it fit nicely in my hand. It didn't have any fancy bells and whistles, but it was still $140! I was going to pay it, but I chose to wait a week before going back to look again. I really didn't like the idea of paying the much for a cell phone.

I went back to the store a couple of days ago, and I saw this cell phone. It has wifi capabilities, bluetooth, camera; all the bells and whistles one could ask for and more. I was definitely not looking for all of these things, but this Nokia E63 was only $25 more than the one without all of the stuff. I figured I would get my money's worth out of it even if I only used it to chat and check email on occasion. So, I bought it. It came with a free soft case, which is nice but not quite what I would have liked. I guess I really can't complain as it was free.

Other than that, I have been driving myself crazy! Our satellite is fixed so I can watch television now, but I tend to just sit out on the balcony and watch the world go by. Yesterday we had a good-bye barbecue for one the people here. It was great other than I once again managed to make people mad at me. Which I seemed to have exacerbated to a great extent this morning, though I am not sure how or why. I am really starting to wonder about what I am doing and what I should be doing and all of these things.

I haven't been able to sleep, and this is starting to effect my thinking and my work. I am not sure how I am going to make it through the rest of the summer if I don't find a way for my brain to switch off. It is unfortunate that it sounds like I am complaining, but my mind has very little room for any actual thought. And the dust (sand actually) in the air is really getting to me.....GRRRRRRR...