How do I always get myself into these messes, and what makes me think it will ever be any different? The funeral was on Tuesday, and the family was even more obviously cold to me than before. I stayed back as much as possible out of respect for them as I was unsure as to what was wrong. I attempted to ignore the hostile stares of the other people as much as possible. It seems that many of them could not understand why I was there, and why I would be upset at the death of my host brother. It was as if I was not supposed to care (and this seems to be the thought of my organization and the school principal as well).
At school things have actually gotten worse as well. The students who had stopped talking to me before are even more blatantly angry with me, and many of the others who were previously unaffected by whatever strange anger virus is permeating the school have fallen victim to it. Still no conclusive evidence as to what it could be as of yet; more tests need to be run.
I had a meeting with the principal two days ago in which she, instead of listening to what I had to say, attempted to apply salve and a band-aid by telling me there was no problem and that everything was perfect. This of course is one of the most frustrating things imaginable! Telling me that I am imagining it, and that I am just jealous (I think paranoid is the word we would actually use in English) is not any way to make me feel better. I asked about my being moved from my host family, and they said that it was the principal's and resource center's (something like superintendent, I think) decision. They said that the family knew that it wasn't my decision, so this was not a reason there would be a problem.
On what I thought would be a good note, Thursday I ran into one of the nephews of the host family, and he told me to come to the house the following day and see the family. I was hoping that either something was said, or that things would get cleared up; some of them did. The family asked me how I found out about the accident, why I left, and if I wanted to come back to live with them. When I told them that I found out from my program, they seemed very surprised. I told them about my phone call telling me about the accident and that I was told I had to leave. I also told them I had to call my program if I were to move back. I was very ready to move back in as I do miss them very much.
Then the girls came in. One had been there to greet me at the beginning, but had left. The other one arrived home, and both of them came in. The that was just arrived home greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and a hug, as the other one had. This has never been done before, but I hadn't thought anything of it when they did it due to circumstances. Now it feels like the kiss of Judas!
They all talked about wanting me to come back to live with them, but the girls couldn't look at me, one rolled her eyes at me a couple of times, and they fought over not having to sit near me. They attempted to be as far away from me as possible. I decided when I noticed this behavior that it was time for me to leave. I didn't say good-bye, and I will not call my company. I will not put myself in a situation where I am obviously not wanted and would make people uncomfortable. It isn't good for me, and it isn't good for them. I have done what I can do; I am giving up on the people here. If they wish to come and tell me what their problem is, I will listen, but I will not worry about it anymore: to me they are no longer worth my energy.
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